Sex, Singleness, Marriage, and Purpose Through a Christian Lens
There was a time when my perspective on relationships, sex, celibacy, and marriage looked very different from what it is today as a Christian.
Like many people, I used to think, “Well, if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with someone, wouldn’t you want to know if you’re sexually compatible first?” In worldly terms, that reasoning made sense to me, especially in a culture where sex before marriage is normalized and often expected.
But even then, I always believed that relationships required far more than physical attraction or chemistry to survive.
Character. Loyalty. Kindness. Companionship. Shared values.
Those are the things that sustain a relationship long after emotions fluctuate or life becomes difficult. Physical attraction may spark interest initially, but it cannot carry two people through hardship, sacrifice, growth, and time.
Looking back now, I realize my heart was already leaning toward principles that aligned with Christianity — I just did not know how to identify them yet. Becoming a Christian did not suddenly change who I was overnight; instead, it gave me understanding for why I viewed relationships and life the way I did.
Learning the Purpose Behind Celibacy
As I continue growing in faith, I now understand that Christianity teaches celibacy and sexual purity not to restrict us, but to protect something sacred.
The world often reduces intimacy to chemistry or pleasure, but the Bible teaches that sex was created by God to exist within marriage as a sacred gift between husband and wife. It is meant to reflect trust, unity, covenant, and selfless love.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” — Genesis 2:24
What God has been teaching me lately is that guarding your heart is not weakness — it is wisdom.
Recently, a dear friend offered to fly in for one night on his way to a medical conference just to take me to dinner and comfort me while I was processing a difficult season emotionally. Years ago, my old self probably would have agreed without hesitation. I was free to do whatever I wanted, and there would have been no “obligation” stopping me.
But this time, something inside me felt unsettled.
Not because the invitation itself was wrong, but because I knew in my spirit that I was emotionally vulnerable. I knew putting myself in a situation where comfort could blur emotional boundaries would not have been wise or God-honoring for me personally.
So I respectfully declined.
And honestly, I felt peace afterward.
That moment taught me something important: discernment often does not come as a loud voice from heaven. Sometimes it is simply a deep inner conviction guiding you toward wisdom.
I also realized something else — my motto has always been, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Long before I fully understood Scripture, I tried to live by that principle naturally, only later realizing that it came directly from Jesus Himself:
“So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you.” — Matthew 7:12
Because of that, I would never want to give someone a false sense of hope or unintentionally place them in an emotionally confusing situation simply because I was seeking temporary comfort during a vulnerable season.
But now, as I continue growing in faith, I feel even more convicted to ask myself a deeper question beyond simply “Is this fair or kind?” I now ask, “Would this decision honor God? Would this be something He approves of?”
I am sure this shift in perspective will continue changing the way I approach relationships, boundaries, and even my own emotions — for the better.
The Sanctification Process
What has been overwhelming to me lately is how strong the sense of conviction has become during this sanctification process God is bringing me through.
The best way I can describe it is this: it feels like I had been walking through a dark tunnel for so long, and suddenly I finally saw the light at the end of it. And once I saw that light, I became completely drawn toward it.
That light became my focus.
The only focus.
For the first time in my life, I do not feel lost chasing temporary things. I do not feel overwhelmed. Instead, I feel peace. I feel clarity. I feel purpose.
And what amazes me most is that this feeling is greater than even the accomplishment I once thought would fulfill me the most — financial independence.
For so much of my life, financial independence was my greatest personal goal. I worked hard, stayed disciplined, and eventually achieved what I once believed would finally make me feel complete. But after reaching it, there was still something missing.
There was comfort, yes.
Security, yes.
But not fulfillment.
Not true fulfillment.
Because no earthly achievement can satisfy the deeper longing God created inside of us.
Now, for the first time, I feel like I understand what that emptiness was pointing toward all along.
Purpose.
Not worldly success.
Not status.
Not money.
But purpose through God.
“For what will it profit a man if he gains the whole world, and loses his own soul?” — Mark 8:36
The peace I feel now is different from happiness. It is quieter, steadier, deeper. It is the feeling of finally realizing that my life belongs to something far greater than myself.
Letting God Lead My Future
If God ever brings someone into my life again, I truly believe it would be someone I could see myself spending the rest of my life with because I would be much more careful now and allow God to lead me in that decision.
I honestly believe God would never place someone in my life who was not meant to help fulfill the purpose He has for both of us. As I’ve grown in my faith and come to understand God’s purpose for my life, I’ve realized that Scripture consistently shows His intentionality in bringing people together. From the very beginning, companionship was part of His design, and I trust that the relationships He allows into our lives serve a greater purpose.
“It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” — Genesis 2:18
That verse carries so much meaning for me now as I continue growing in my faith.
I’ve also learned that sometimes God waits for us to surrender before He reveals His purpose. We spend so much time trying to control outcomes, holding tightly to our own plans and expectations, that we can miss what He is trying to show us. But when we finally let go and trust Him completely, His direction often becomes clearer. Surrender isn’t giving up—it’s making room for God’s will to take precedence over our own.
If God does place a husband in my life someday, I know wholeheartedly that I would do everything necessary to help him succeed in the purpose God has for him. Encouraging and uplifting people has always naturally been part of who I am. I’ve consistently pushed those around me to become better versions of themselves — even when they couldn’t yet see that potential within themselves — helping them build confidence and strive for greater things.
I’ve always valued financial literacy, education, and personal growth, and I enjoy inspiring others to pursue their interests, develop their talents, and expand their mindset. Watching people grow, succeed, and step into their full potential has always brought me genuine joy.
But now, knowing there is an actual God-given purpose behind encouraging and supporting others feels even more fulfilling.
It is no longer just about helping someone succeed in worldly terms. It is about helping one another grow spiritually, walk closer to God, and fulfill the calling He has placed on our lives together.
And honestly, that excites me deeply.
I cannot wait to fully discover and fulfill the purpose God has for me as well. I feel like for so much of my life, I was searching for meaning without realizing that true purpose can only be found through Him. Now, instead of feeling lost, I feel expectant. There is this growing excitement in me about where God is leading my life, what He is shaping within me, and how He may someday use my life to serve others and glorify Him.
There is also an excitement growing inside of me because I cannot wait to meet the man God may have chosen for me someday. The idea of building a Christ-centered marriage with someone who loves God first feels meaningful in a way I never understood before becoming a Christian.
But even if that person never comes, I would still be okay because God also has purpose for singleness.
Scripture shows that singleness is not a lesser calling. In many ways, it can create more freedom to serve God wholeheartedly and focus on the purpose He has placed before you.
“An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit.” — 1 Corinthians 7:34
Interestingly, before I accepted Christ, I never really desired marriage. My mindset was always more along the lines of, “If it happens, it happens. If it doesn’t, that is fine too.” I was perfectly content being independent and living life on my own terms.
But after becoming a Christian, my understanding of marriage completely changed.
Marriage means so much more to me now because I no longer see it as simply companionship or romance. I now see it as a covenant before God — something sacred, intentional, and spiritually meaningful.
I understand now why many Christians ultimately desire marriage. When two people genuinely love God and desire to honor Him, the relationship becomes about something much deeper than emotional connection or attraction. It becomes a partnership rooted in faith, where both people intentionally help one another grow spiritually, remain grounded in God, and fulfill the purpose He has for their lives together.
That is what makes marriage beautiful to me now.
It finally has meaning.
There is another thing God has been teaching me: marriage and relationships are blessings, but they are not the ultimate purpose of life. Everything on earth is temporary, including relationships. Eternity is what lasts forever. Even Jesus taught that earthly marriage does not continue in Heaven.
“At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage.” — Matthew 22:30
That perspective has brought me peace because whether I remain single or eventually become a wife, my identity, purpose, and true happiness belong to God first.
Feeling Called to Something Greater
One of the clearest discernments I have experienced during this season is how strongly I have felt pulled toward wanting to serve others.
Recently, I applied for a seniors hospice volunteer program, and I genuinely hope I am selected. My heart has always struggled with the idea of people being alone, especially during their final moments.
My brother spent years in hospice and nursing care. At the time, life circumstances made it difficult for us to always be there physically. We were told he was comatose and unaware, but deep down, I still hated the thought of someone lying there day after day without companionship, conversation, or presence.
Maybe that experience planted something in me long ago.
Now I feel this growing desire to be present for people who are lonely, forgotten, or hurting.
Sometimes God uses our painful experiences to shape compassion within us.
“He comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble.” — 2 Corinthians 1:4
I also have an old college friend — he and his wife have spent years serving overseas in ministry. Many of my college friends were deeply devoted Christians, and reconnecting with people who have walked this faith journey longer than I have has been incredibly encouraging.
The truth is, surrounding yourself with faith-filled people matters because this is not a journey meant to be walked alone.
“As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” — Proverbs 27:17
God Often Speaks Through Conviction
One thing that deeply resonated with me recently was hearing Pastor David Guzik explain that hearing from God is not always an audible voice the way many people imagine.
Sometimes God speaks through conviction.
Through peace.
Through wisdom.
Through a strong inner pull toward something greater than yourself.
And honestly, that is exactly how this season has felt for me.
I cannot explain everything that has happened over these past few months, but I do believe God has been orchestrating things in ways I did not understand at the time. Sometimes I think He waits patiently for us to surrender certain parts of ourselves before He begins revealing new purpose, healing, and direction.
For the first time in a long time, I feel less focused on what I want from life and more focused on how God wants to use my life.
