Recently, some friends asked me what I am looking for in a partner. The question made me pause and really think about how I would identify someone I truly want to be with.

Before accepting Christ, I could never clearly define it. My answer would have been something vague like wanting a companion — someone to travel with, dance with, eat good food with, and simply enjoy life with. I assumed the important things like values, morals, boundaries, and direction would naturally fall into place if two people cared about each other enough.

Now I realize how unwise that was.

It was like walking through a mall looking for “a shirt.” When the description is generic, almost anything can seem acceptable. You wander aimlessly, comparing options, sometimes settling simply because something feels good enough in the moment.

But when you know exactly what you are looking for — long sleeves, v-neck, blue color, 100% cotton — suddenly the search becomes clearer. You waste less time being distracted by things that were never truly aligned with what you needed in the first place. And when you finally see the shirt that matches the description, you know.

That is how I now view relationships.

For the first time in my life, I can clearly define the kind of man I want to be with: a God-fearing man.

Not because I am looking for perfection, but because I now understand the importance of alignment, character, spiritual foundation, and mutual submission to God.

A God-fearing man is someone who genuinely tries to live morally and ethically, not only when it benefits him, but because his values are deeply rooted within him. He has a built-in sense of right and wrong. He holds himself accountable and is mindful of his actions and their consequences, even when no one is watching.

He respects limits and boundaries. He values integrity over short-term gain. He treats people with fairness, kindness, and decency. He thinks beyond himself and does not live only according to impulse, desire, or convenience.

He is someone who lives like his actions always matter — even when there is no immediate consequence.

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom.” — Proverbs 9:10

Previously, I focused on surface-level qualities in relationships, such as chemistry, shared hobbies, affection, and whether we simply got along. But now I understand that those things are not the same as true alignment, and feelings alone are not a strong enough foundation to build a lasting relationship on.

I no longer want a relationship that slowly weakens convictions, creates confusion, avoids accountability, or drifts without direction. I want a relationship rooted in honesty, peace, communication, emotional intimacy, spiritual intimacy, accountability, and mutual growth.

It has become deeply important to me to be with someone who listens with patience and compassion before reacting. Someone who is honest about his intentions early on because clarity protects both people from confusion and unnecessary hurt. Someone who is willing to have difficult conversations, accept correction, and continue growing.

Most importantly, I believe a God-centered relationship should draw both people closer to God, not away from Him. A relationship where both people are willing to submit themselves to God first, so they can love each other properly.

I remember some friends saying that this sounded like a lot to look for in a person. I paused when they said that, but deep down, I truly believe that a man who is centered in God would naturally possess these characteristics — or at the very least, demonstrate a genuine willingness to grow into them.

Because ultimately, you do not identify a God-fearing man by what he says — you identify him by what he chooses, especially when it is hard.

And honestly, the closer I grow to God, the more I find myself wanting to grow in those same qualities too.

“You will recognize them by their fruits.” — Matthew 7:16

I have also learned not to trust feelings alone. Emotions can easily be influenced by loneliness, attraction, attachment, attention, or desire, and once the heart becomes deeply invested, it becomes much easier to overlook signs that may have been clear from the beginning.

That is why I now believe discernment must come before emotional attachment. I no longer want feelings to lead me first. I want God to lead first. Because if God is not leading first, then eventually something else will begin to lead instead — emotions, attachment, loneliness, fear, or desire.

So I must pray first. Observe character first. Allow time to reveal consistency first.

And perhaps part of this journey is remembering that none of this happens without prayer — not just praying once for a future partner, but praying daily for wisdom, discernment, obedience, patience, protection, and the ability to continue hearing God clearly.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” — James 1:5

I once heard a story on a podcast about a couple who have now been married for 42 years. Before committing to each other, both of them spent an entire month praying separately and together, asking God whether the other person was truly the right one. They even promised each other that if God revealed otherwise, they would be honest enough to walk away.

Til this day, they are still together.

To me, that is such a beautiful testament to what can happen when two people genuinely seek God before seeking each other. When God brings two people together and both are willing to listen, obey, and surrender, the relationship is built on something much deeper than feelings alone.

Consistency over intensity.
Actions over promises.
Humility over pride.

For the first time, I actually do want to settle down instead of floating from one relationship to another.

Maybe that comes with age, maturity, heartbreak, growth, or simply life experience. But honestly, I believe this clarity can only come from God working in His mysterious ways.

There is such a deep shift happening within me.

Before, I think I was searching more for connection, affection, excitement, or companionship without truly understanding what kind of foundation was necessary for a lasting relationship. But now, for the first time, I feel intentional. Grounded. Clear.

Not because I suddenly became perfect or have everything figured out, but because I finally have something solid to anchor myself to.

I genuinely believe God has been refining my heart, my mindset, my discernment, and my understanding of love and relationships. And maybe part of this season is not only about preparing me for the person He may have for me, but also preparing me to become the kind of person who can steward that relationship properly.

I hope to be ready if and when that person eventually shows up.

I also know that I am not perfect either.

As much as I desire a God-fearing man, I also understand that I must continue becoming a God-centered woman. It would be unfair to ask for character, discipline, honesty, emotional maturity, patience, accountability, humility, and spiritual alignment from someone else if I am unwilling to work on those same things within myself.

This journey is not just about identifying the right partner, but also about allowing God to refine me into the right partner as well.

Perhaps that is one reason I admire Ruth so deeply — not because her story ended in marriage, but because her faith, humility, loyalty, and obedience to God shaped the kind of woman she became long before her future was revealed.

“Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God.” — Ruth 1:16

I know there are areas in my own life that still require growth, healing, discipline, surrender, and intentionality. I know I will not always get everything right. But I want to remain teachable, self-aware, and willing to be corrected by God.

I want my future relationship to be built on mutual submission to God, not perfection from either person.

At the end of the day, I am not looking for someone flawless. I am looking for someone whose heart genuinely desires to pursue God, pursue growth, and pursue what is right — even when it is difficult.

And I want to be able to offer that same kind of heart in return.

And perhaps one final thing — anyone who becomes part of my life will also have to love Mochi, my dog.

She is more than just a pet to me. She has been part of my quiet moments, my routines, my comfort, and my everyday life. So naturally, whoever walks beside me will also be walking beside her too.

Mochi and I really are a package deal.

I no longer want to be led by feelings alone because feelings are unstable and temporary. I want to be led by discernment, wisdom, peace, and ultimately by God.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” — Proverbs 4:23

Maybe one day, I will look back on this journal entry and smile, realizing that surrendering everything to God was one of the best decisions I ever made.

And maybe one day, I will be able to say that I found the God-fearing man I once prayed for.

But even if life unfolds differently than I imagine, I think that will be okay too.

Because I think I finally understand now that loneliness is not truly the absence of a relationship. As long as I have God, I am never actually alone.

And honestly, I also have Mochi, my fur baby.

So perhaps loneliness only becomes powerful when I allow it to pull me away from that truth. I no longer want to choose relationships out of fear of being alone, but from a place of peace, clarity, and alignment with God.

Because more than anything, this season has taught me to trust that God always has a plan for His children, even when we cannot fully see it yet. He always does.

And perhaps that is the greatest peace of all — knowing that if I continue listening, growing, surrendering, and allowing God to lead, He will guide me exactly where I need to be.

“I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.” – Psalm 32:8