Today I went to my very first Good Friday service. Pastor Dave’s message centered on John 19, and one truth stood out—Jesus must be at the center.

That hit me, because just the day before, I had written about wanting God to be at the center of everything in my life. Coincidence? I don’t think so.

It also reaffirmed something I’ve been wanting to do—be intentional about taking daily breaks from my phone to create space for God.

Lately, I’ve actually felt more focused, less worried, grounded in scripture and quiet time.

“It is finished.” — John 19:30

Reconciliation. Covered by the blood of Christ.

“While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” — Romans 5:8

Those words carry so much weight. His work—saving the world—was complete, yet so many still don’t fully understand it.

At the same time, I’m walking through broken trust in my life right now.

For the past month, I felt lost, disrespected, and confused—like I had been too trusting.

I found myself praying constantly—praying for answers, praying for direction.
Almost every night, I would wake up at 3 a.m.

At first, I questioned it—was this God or the enemy trying to confuse me.?
But in my heart, I felt clarity, not chaos, started to creep in.
And because of that, I knew it had to be God.

I realized—God never leads with confusion.
He doesn’t create self-doubt or lead us away from His truth.

“For God is not a God of confusion but of peace…” — 1 Corinthians 14:33

And in that realization, I felt relief.

Today humbled me. I felt the pain, the love—and for the first time, I cried in church.

“Greater love has no one than this…” — John 15:13

After service, I picked up the communion cup. My friend Alice gently reminded me what it truly represents—that it’s not something to take lightly.

“Do this in remembrance of me.” — 1 Corinthians 11:25

I hesitated. I didn’t feel worthy. I know I’ve sinned. I know grace is freely given… but I still wanted to feel deserving.

Afterward, I watched The Passion of the Christ.
This time—it wasn’t just a movie. I felt it. The pain. The love. The sins He took for us.

“Surely he took up our pain…” — Isaiah 53:4

But now, I’m learning that this isn’t a free pass. This is a restart. A new beginning toward something greater and better that God has planned for me.

I can’t promise I won’t sin again, but I can promise to try each day to live in a way that brings peace when I lay my head down at night.

My dad used to say that if I tossed and turned at night, it meant something was off—something uneasy within me from that day.

And today, hearing Pastor Dave use that same word—uneasiness—it felt like everything connected. Like a lesson God has been placing in my life all along, through different voices, at different times.

Maybe He’s been speaking to me longer than I realized.